When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Ghost

Holidays are for suckers. But I've spent so much time thinking of the perfect gifts and crafting lovely presents.
I'm just glad I get to see my friends again.
And I'm turning 20 this week! The end of teen age years is upon me.
Baby Jesus' birthday over shadows mine. Thanks a lot bro. I mean, yeah you saved our souls, but what about my b-day?!
I want to celebrate by building forts, having a food fight, and thrashing to my favorite songs.
I want to pour soda on my head and run out into the streets screaming at the top of my lungs.
Don't try and stop me. I will celebrate my rite of passage any way I please.
Then I plan on returning to our lovely capitol, packing my bags, and heading West.

Oh, and by the way I have a new Christmas wish list:

Be good to each other.




Future Husband:



David Wain
It might be hard to see why I'd want to marry him at first but you'd understand why if you ever saw any of his comedy.
He's the funny type of cute.

Like A Year Of Rainy Days

So this break is upon us.
And who knows if we will ever go back.
I have my partners in crime, for however long they can stand me.
I will try and be more bearable.

Today I received many free clothes from the costume shop I work at.
I'm not sure how much longer I will work there but I will try and get the most out of it.

Road trips...I long for them. I just find peace in traveling.
I don't want to stay in one place if there is nothing in that place for me.

I often ask myself...Who am I writing this for?
The answer is You. I'm writing this because you are reading it.

Anyway...last Saturday I went on a little trip to see Jason Castro. It was pretty awesome.
I have many things to write about the concert but I feel that this is not the right audience.
I can only tell those kinds of things to his fans.

I wish I had a secret language I could write in and You would have to decipher my code.
But all I know is English.

Future Husband:



Gerard Way
Lead Singer of My Chemical Romance
I think he might have saved my life.
He's also married to Lin-Z of Mindless Self Indulgence
but that's a technicality.

My Dream Catcher Couldn't Catch You

Secret Santa is fun when you're buying things for people in the Costume Shop. You can get them just about anything. For example I bought my person Easy-Mac and Tuna lunches. And someone bought me a dream catcher. I loved my gift and my secret person loved his.
I really want to devote a lot of my free time to making Christmas gifts for my friends and family. I think it's better than buying a whole bunch of junk they will never use.

I saw snow fall for the first time last night. It was magical. It was a real downer to hear people say stuff like, "You've never seen snow before? It's no big deal."
Snow is a big deal. It's a very big deal. I've always wanted to see snow.
It didn't stick to the ground or fall very hard though. Just a few flurries in the air and covering the hoods of cars. I gathered up handfuls of it off the cars and threw snow balls at my roommates. I couldn't get over the idea of throwing snow balls. I hope it snows on my birthday.

School is over. My grades are 50% good, 50% bad. I think I need a seasonal job too pass the time and make some holiday cash.

This Saturday I will be attending a concert in Garland, Texas. I'm going to see Jason Castro and Patti LaBelle. I can hardly wait to see him perform those beautiful songs live. Fingers crossed that I get to meet him again.

Soundtrack this Christmas: Snowed In by Hanson
It's the Christmas album my dad said I'd just get tired of. I never did.

Future Husband:


Conor Oberst
I thought he was the most passionate guy when I was a freshmen in high school. Now I just think he's a little creepy and too angst-ridden for his age. But I'd still marry him if he promised to write a concept album about me.

You're A Moldy Peach But I Bet You Still Taste Good

Almost over. This semester is almost over. Thank heavens!
Just one final to get over with and I'm golden. Ready for the break to start and ready to start with a clean slate.
Truth be told I've been looking kinda gross lately. I see no reason to keep myself neat and finals week is usually Hell.
I will clean up soon I swear.
Omg, I've just discovered this awesome website via NYLON blog.
It's called Tony B Machine and the website is www.tony-b.org.
There is a little cartoon synth that plays real music and samples and actually records. It's so cute and fun to play with. It makes you feel like a tiny DJ.
I think I will spend my free time mastering the site and making a few mixes in the process.

Is it weird if I repeat a Future Husband because I'm really starting to fall back in love with Vincent Kartheiser. He's just such a convincing actor. He makes you fall in love with everyone of his characters. Or maybe it's just me. But I recently saw some of the movie All I Wanna Do (Strike! or The Hairy Bird) on Youtube. He plays an adorable townie named Snake who is the head of a photography club who specializes in roadkill. Oh and did I mention that Danny Smith comes out in the movie as well. His most notable role was as Merton Dingle in the Fox Family TV show Big Wolf On Campus.
After I saw the best parts of All I Wanna Do, I started to watch clips from Mad Men. I already knew Vincent was on that show and I would watch on occasions. But I think I'm going to have to start watching more often because his character Pete Campbell is becoming three dimensional and they are giving him a lot more camera time. Which is always a good thing if Vincent's involved.

But alas my Future Husband nomination goes to:



Reece Daniel Thompson as Hal Hefner in Rocket Science
He stole my heart as a stuttering kid who joins the debate team.
I feel a kinship to the character of Hal because I also have a stutter.
And I competed in Academic Decathlon in high school and won medals in the Speech category.


I guess that's weird for me to write that I have a stutter. Some people might not notice it but its a medium sized part of who I am. It's not as bad as Hal's in Rocket Science but it gets worse when I'm in San Antonio for some reason. And it is also hard to hide when I talk with my older brother. He seems to bring it out of me. I've never received any speech therapy for it but I've considered it. I see it as something that could only limit me if I were pursuing a career in acting. But at the moment I am not and there fore I have no problem stumbling along in my words.
I really don't like when people point it out though. It's bad enough that I tend to apologize for every word I stutter on.
I guess it's just another one of my quirks!

Second Best Never Felt Better

I just saw the best video ever. And yes Jason Castro was in it.
You don't have to keep reading but if you want to see an inspiring video then check it out right here.



It's about his religious beliefs and how he made a choice to put God first in his life. He talks about his choice to perform the Leonard Cohen song "Hallelujah" and what it meant to him to be able to praise his king in front of millions watching on TV.

He tells a little story or testimonial if you will about how he came to know Christ and how his goals in life consist of being a loving father, a faithful husband, and a servant to all.

He also mentions that he felt like life wasn't worth living if he wasn't living it for God. I find that very true and I'm glad that I chose to be a fan of his music.

I too want everything I do to be of benefit to the Kingdom of God. I'm sorry if this comes as a shock to anyone or if you think I'm weird for loving God. But I feel that living for other people will only lead to heartbreak and disappointment.

I don't mean to impose my religious beliefs on anyone but I feel that being Christian is a big part of who I am and I never want to be embarrassed about it or feel like I have to hide it from anyone.

School will be over in less than a week. I'm not ready. I'm ready for classes to end but I'm not ready to say goodbye to all my friends. This holiday season will be very different from years past because I'm not going home when school is over.

Shine your light and lead the way.




Future Husband:



Taylor Hanson
Good Christian Boy (check)
Marital Status (Taken)
Good Songwriter (Double-Check)
Wears Chokers (You Better Believe It)

I Don't Want A Lot For Christmas

Did you know that I turn 20 the day after Christmas? Well it's true. I'm calling it ChristmaBirthday. I'm not asking for much this holiday season but if you're thinking about getting me something here are a few things I wouldn't mind.

Sewing Machine



Jason Castro Poster





Jason Castro Calendar



The poster and the calendar are both $12 and they are available at his online store. http://store.thejasoncastro.com/


Moccasins





American Apparel Braided Belt



The belt cost $11 and I would love any color but I think purple is my power color.

And if you can't think of anything to get me....just get me a gift card to one of my favorite stores
Goodwill (it can be for any amount)



If you're like me and you're on a budget this holiday season then don't feel obligated to "buy" anything for me. I love handmade gifts. They are much more personal and sentimental. You can make me anything you think I would like.

Here are some suggestions:
Handmade moccasins (they sell the kits at Hobby Lobby)
Tote Bag made with funky fabric
Headbands with feathers or gems
Necklaces, bracelets, pins or any accessories (fyi I'm not a fan or expensive jewelry)
Paint or draw a picture of me...it doesn't have to be pretty or cute
Write a Poem or Song for me or about me or inspired by me
Sing me a song that I like or reminds you of me
Collage or scrapbook
Decorate a T-shirt with my favorite things
Stuffed or felted creatures
Create a Doll of me (I've had this as a gift before and I loved it!)

I'm currently putting together gifts for my friends and families so please send me a link to your wish list.

Future Husband:



Michael Cera
Possibly one of the cutest dorks in Hollywood.
I loved him as George-Michael on Arrested Development.
Plus I think we're the same age :D

Teenage Lovers Between The Sheets

While in San Antonio last week I bought an unusual instrument from the thrift store near my old house. It was Black Friday so everything was 50% off. I purchased a kantele and sheet music for $15. I didn't know what it was at first but my friend and I did some extensive research and we found that it was a Finnish instrument with a mythological background. Pretty cool. I sold it to Rebecca for her band JEN. She really wanted an auto harp because it's huggable but the kantele can totally be hugged.

I've wanted to direct a music video for Jason Castro ever since I won Be Your Own Pet's video contest this past summer. He currently has no "official" music video or album. I just can't see Jason in an expensive music video. He's so modest and humble. I could see something low key and independently directed. And who better to direct his first video than a fan of his music.

If I could choose I would create a video for his new song "Shine Your Light" or "Love Uncompromised"



I've already made up in my mind what this video would look like.

Future Husband:



Bud Cort in the film Harold and Maude.
He has the creepy sort of cuteness in the movie.
I think his character made me fall in love with the macabre.
As a result, I made my parents rent me a hearse for my 17th birthday and for my Prom.

Shine Your Light When Things Start To Look Dim

When wood is broken it can never be repaired.
You can try and glue the pieces together but they will always be fragmented and weak.
Holidays are wasteful and hurtful. They really test the strength of a family.
I went home to San Antonio for Thanksgiving. I really wanted to go to Tulsa for the weekend.
That didn't happen. But it's okay because I got to spend time with my old friends who I hadn't seen in so long. And I was able to catch some great live music and do a little thrift shopping.
I don't know when I'll be back in San Antonio or if I'll ever go back.
Maybe I'll be back to visit friends. I just feel as though I have no place there.
I can never go back home because home is where the heart is and mine is broken.

Even though I didn't get to attend Jason Castro's concert in Tulsa I was able to see it all happen through a live feed via the internet.
It was magical and he truly inspires. He's inspired me to shine my light as bright as I can.

I've been bewitched by the Polyphonic Spree song "Hold Me Now". Give it a listen and I dare you not to feel good afterward.

Wunderkind of note: Marcus Rubio


I caught his act this week and was very pleased by his performance. I hope to one day direct a music video of his. Or maybe he could score a short film of mine. He really makes the San Antonio music scene look good.
www.myspace.com/marcusrubio

Future Husband:



Stephen Colbert
I first fell for him as Chuck Noblett in Strangers with Candy.
Truth be told he is married, but everyone needs a mistress.
And he still teaches Sunday School every week.

Tuesday Feels Like Friday

School is out for the holidays. Everyone is going home. Except me.
Or at least I feel that way. I'm not going home until tomorrow night and I feel like everyone is gone. Or out partying. Yes, partying on a Tuesday night. That is college for you.

This semester is paid off. Next semester...well we will see.

And now what you have all been waiting for. The blogosphere premier of my short film trailer "Etienne's Gaining Weight".



My fingers are still crossed that I get to road trip with my friends to Oklahoma this weekend. But if it doesn't happen I will try not to be too sad. Maybe it will give me more time work on that 15-20 page paper I've been putting off all semester. Maybe.
I finished my silk painting today. It was epic. The only assignment I have left for my intermediate costume class is my portfolio. And then this semester will be over and forgotten.

Future Husband:



Joseph Gordon-Levitt
He's the indie darling I'd like to share my days with.
For more info see: Mysterious Skin, Brick, and The Lookout

Pretty Good Cape Weather

Bad news bears....i didn't get the RA job. boo.
oh well. I don't mind living with my roomies for another semester. I just really wanted my housing and food to be paid for. And I would love to be an RA. There's always next time.

I would like to start making a series of vlogs and shorts for my Youtube channel. I don't have anything up yet. I want to upload my trailer first but I still haven't figured out how to get it from DVD to Youtube.

Ingrid found an eyelash in a measuring cup I lent to Kelsey. She said,"Geez Kat! What are you measuring slash what are you baking?!"

Jarymar gave me an idea for a clothing company. I've always wanted to make my own clothes but I've sort of put the idea on the back burner. Well the types of clothes I want to make are unisex one pieces. She told me to call the clothing label Unicorn. I just might do that Jary.

New Idea: Study Abroad in Finland. Helsinki is starting to appeal to me. I'm looking into it.

Future Husband:



Wes Anderson
Maybe if we get married he will write and direct a beautiful film about me. Maybe.

Make Mom and Dad Proud

My short film trailer was premiered at the film festival. It went well. I got a lot of good feed back and some people even wanted to see the full length. I had to tell them there was none and might never be one. I can't say that. I should say that there wouldn't be one any time soon. I will try and get it on Youtube and onto this blog asap. I'm just not sure how.
I was so nervous. I didn't win any awards or prizes or anything. But I didn't mind. The nice words were good enough.

I am excited to start my newest project. I want to make a mocumentary. There was one at the film festival and I thought it was hilarious. It was made by some of my friends and it reminded me of Christopher Guest's genius. I would like to make one about cults and weird religious behavior and hippie communes. I mostly want to make this film because of the potential for awesome costumes. And weird make up and soundtrack. Not actual content. Comment if you'd like to be in my next venture. I need a lot of actors with little to no talent. All ages, all body types, and all ethnicities. I really want to get started on this during the Christmas break. I will edit it during the Spring semester.

By the way...I want to make more music videos. Maybe with the real band in it this time. Just thought I'd put it out there.

The road trip is still on as of this moment. Abe is driving. Frank is shotgun. I like the peace in the backseat. I will be busy napping and journaling our trip. Hopefully we can stop at a few thrift shops.
It would make for fun pit stops and shopping expeditions. I'm not sure if I will make a video of anything. I'm hoping to get some new pictures of me and Jason.

Future Husband:



Andrew Vanwyngarden of MGMT
I think he pretty much gets the mystical side of me.
And he has the most adorable face.



Don't we make a cute couple?

Singin' Hallelujah With the Fear in Your Heart

Tomorrow is the premier of my short film trailer "Etienne's Gaining Weight".
I am so excited and I hope that you all attend the film festival if you are able to. It is the first of it's kind at St. Edward's and I'm pretty glad to be a part of history.

I am about 30% done with my silk octopus painting. It is due next Tuesday and I still have lots to due.
Today I got to take home bundles of free clothes from the Costume Shop. I'm thinking about starting an online shop where I can sell unique and one of a kind clothing to people all over the world. I'm sure people in Austin will want to buy some of the clothing I have but I think it is meant for a broader audience who will appreciate the costume quality.

The best thing I got today was a cape. I am now the proud owner of a brocade cape. It's magical and I'm going to work it into my style. It won't be too hard though. I've been wanting a cape but I never thought about a color besides black.

I have to come up with my Christmas Wish List. I don't expect anyone to give my any gifts but if you're thinking about it then look no further. I'm going to try and make all my gifts by hand. I feel like there is so much more love in them. And I'm just cheap.

Future Husband:



Vincent Kartheiser from Crime+Punishment in Suburbia
He's an outcast and a savior and a stalker and a voyeur.
He made a really crappy C movie into a cult classic for me.

God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You

I finished editing my short film trailer today. It is epic.
I hope the film festival powers that be will take a late submission.
I'm very excited for everyone to see it. I'm so excited I almost wish I had made a whole short film instead of just the trailer. Almost.

This week I will start and hopefully finish my silk painting of an octopus. I have yet to find a name for the painting. I'm leaning towards Esteban or Kingsley.

This week holds a lot for me. Friday is the Film Festival and it is also when I will find out if I'm going to be an RA next semester. Pray for me. I really need that job in more ways than one.

I can't wait until Thanksgiving break. Fingers crossed that I am able to road trip to Oklahoma. I've decided that I'm spending all my "money" on seeing Jason Castro perform this holiday season as a gift to myself. So instead of throwing a birthday party for other people to enjoy I will be enjoying myself at my favorite performer's concert.

I had small group Bible study today. We went to a private praise and worship meeting thing. It was intense. There was acoustic guitar strumming, Christian music singing, prayer, speaking in tongues, praising, healing, and meditation. I was laying on the floor listening to Bekah strum the guitar and sing a beautiful song and I just felt myself fall asleep. I woke up and everyone was singing "Majesty" really loud so I just joined in. It was very cool but I had to leave because I promised some friends that I would meet them for coffee. My time spent at praise and worship really got me excited about possibly making Christian Dance music. I don't know how this would sound but I'm very excited about it.
I think I'm currently in a band called JEN. I believe that I will be playing the keyboard, gameboy, and possibly slide whistle. Oh and I think I might be supplying vocals. The band has some pretty strict rules but I think I can contribute my natural gift of songwriting.

So I'm going to be doing this thing called Future Husband. Not of the week or of the day...just whenever. You can give me a high five whenever you see me if you agree that that certain guy should be my future husband. Never mind technicalities such as their marital status or sexual orientation. I'm just saying it would be cool if they were my Future Husband. They might also be fictional characters or not exist.

First Official Future Husband:



Win Butler of the band Arcade Fire. He's married to Regine who's also in the band but like I said before...just a technicality.

Heartbeats

I remember when I was a little goth kid in high school. I was a total closet goth though. I adored HIM and My Chemical Romance. Their music was so dark and gloomy...but romantic as well. I especially liked the escapism of it all.

"We are so young
Our lives have just begun
But already we are considering
escape from this world."
-"Join Me In Death" HIM

I wanted my first car to be a hearse. And my 17th birthday was funeral themed. I was obsessed with all things morbid and macabre.
I grew out of that phase.

I would still like to escape...but not from this world. Maybe from this country or this continent. I have to many things to complete in this life. I have too many goals to cut my life short now.

I just want you all to know that you are not alone. Don't ever think you're alone in this world. If you ever think about escaping, just think about all those you will leave behind. I would never want anyone to join me in death.
I do love the song "I will follow you into the dark" by Deathcab for Cutie.

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
         

Please don't be afraid to keep on living. I know it's hard and it sucks sometimes but you have to win. You can't lose and you can't give up. You might miss out on something you didn't know was there.

Life is too much fun to give up.

We're on the bed but your clothes are laying right there

I'm a total music snob. So naturally I went to the Metro Station concert tonight. I took Kelsey with me because they sing a song called, well, "Kelsey".
I felt super old at that show. Everyone was like 13 and 14. It reminded me of going to shows in high school.
I know it's really lame to say you enjoy bands like Metro Station but I don't care. It was such a funny show. We made fun of all the trashy scene teens and moms and dads.
Kelsey and I waited outside afterwards and met the band members.
Since when did 20 year old guys start dressing like 14 year old girls? Stop shopping at Forever 21 boyz!! Maybe pre-teens think its hot but I don't.

Someone spilled their beer on me. I didn't think that anyone there was even old enough to smoke cigarettes.


f.y.i Trace Cyrus smells like weed in person.


Mason is pretty much the talent of the band.

Let Your Fiber Show

Ugh. I can't register for classes until I pay the educational vampires that I call St. Edward's University.
I miss Frank and his scarf Fibrola. Seriously, she was like the best scarf EVER. And she only ever looked good with his mystical Unicorn tee.
If you ask someone if they are the Devil, and they freak out...chances are they're the Devil.

My new style icon might be Mickey Mouse ...or Luke Skywalker. I've seen someone around campus wearing a Yoda backpack. And a Chewbacca backpack.

Possible travel locations: Tulsa this Thanksgiving, Dallas in December, Marfa next May, London a year from now.

I will never be a wunderkind.

When I am older I will start a recycling center in San Antonio, Texas. It will be like The Free Store of Haight-Ashbury. People will be able to donate their unwanted items and take anything they want for free. I'm not sure how I will pay the bills with this recycling center but I know it is exactly what San Antonio needs. Maybe I will rent space out for events and live music and charge an entrance fee in order to keep the free store running.
Comment me if you are interested in starting a free store in San Antonio. Austin is too advanced for this kind of thing even thought it might work better.



Magic? I'll show you magic.

Breakfast for Dinner

I'm pretty jealous of my friend April who gets mail from her long distance boyfriend. He sends her a bunch of rad packages that say stuff like "You are the best organism on earth" and contain chocolate kisses. If only we all had thoughtful long distance boyfriends that cared about us that much.

I had blueberry pancakes and eggs for dinner at Danielle's apartment tonight. Very delicious stuff.

Sometimes I make lists in my head of men I would like to marry. They always change but sometimes I think of the same ones. Like Jeff Goldblume. I'm dying to hear that man pop the question. I could go on and on about who I'd like my future husband to be but then I would just be sad.

My hair is in an icky growing out stage that upsets me and makes my head look all gross and round. I want it to be all long and full right now. I want to braid it and tease it up into a bird nest like my friend Rebecca's hair.

I am in the process of editing my short film trailer. It is taking longer than I thought. I also have a silk painting to start and a few papers to finish ...or start rather.

My hand still hurts. Ouch! Don't you love listening to me complain.

I hope that Frank gets to move in with me soon. He will be a nice addition to the apartment.

Wear Your Cat Vest With Pride

My hand hurts. Ouch!
I pretty much want to create a line of T-shirts that incorporates all that is mystical and wild.
I'm hoping Ingrid will help me with this project. I want the artwork on the tees to be of things like crystal formations, dream catchers, wolves, gemstones, and galaxies.

I kind of want to see Metro Station perform this week at La Zona Rosa. I don't care what reputation the band has, I just like their songs.

I'm attending a Q&A with Ian Mackaye on Friday. I'm going to ask him questions about being Straight Edge and how it relates to the music industry.

I only have a couple more months left to be a teenager. In December I'll be celebrating my 20th birthday. Hopefully I'll be celebrating it by throwing an awesome party in my apartment.

Favorite Song of the Moment: "The Newcomer of Seven Years" by PlayRadioPlay!
I'm thinking about using it in my short film trailer.

Let's Start A Band

I am currently growing my hair out.
I don't think I will cut it until it has grown long enough for a style.
I want LONG and BIG hair that I can braid and tease up.
Thanksgiving seems like a boring holiday to me. I feel like wearing a vest with cats on it and serving food to the homeless and less fortunate. I want someone else to enjoy the holiday. I would just take it for granted. I'm not sure if I will spend it in Austin or San Antonio. We will see.
I want to be done with this semester by the time Thanksgiving break comes around.


"I've Never Been to Heaven but I've Been to Oklahoma."


I am seriously considering taking a road trip to Tulsa, Oklahoma the weekend of Thanksgiving. I want to see Jason in concert again and possibly visit my friend Samantha. My friend April expressed interest in going with me but I'm not sure if she's sincere. If you wanna come with me then just tell me in a comment. I would love some company. And admission to Jason's gig is only $25. It might be a bit pricey to travel but it's affordable if you split the cost.

Road trip soundtrack: Hanson "Middle of Nowhere" ....duh!

Blog About Me Sometime

I'm working on new and exciting things again. Right now I'm in the process of filming scenes for a trailer I'm making for a short film I'm thinking about making. I will premiere the trailer at the Sorin Reel Film Festival at school. I'm very excited about showing everyone this story I've had in my head. I first came up with it this summer and now it is coming to life with the help of a few friends.
The short film is titled Etienne's Gaining Weight. It is a film about two eccentric gay teenage outcasts in the Midwest who attempt a heterosexual relationship in order to be free of sin and end up falling in love with each other. I don't know if the trailer to this short film will explain the story fully but I hope that the audience walks away with some understanding.
If you read some of my older posts then you might remember what short film idea I'm making reference to. The idea came to me this past summer when I was suffering from insomnia and I needed to create an alternate world to retreat to. I made up the two characters Gemma and Etienne who's names have changed many times since then. There story is still the same. I'm not sure what sort of message this short film is supposed to be sending but I am in no way trying to pass judgment on anyone's sexual orientation. This story is more about Christ's love than human love. It's hard to believe but it's true. I'll post the video of the trailer as soon as it's done so that you may see for yourself.

I've also been working on more tangible forms of art such as hats and felting. I finally finished the hat project for my costume class and I am very proud of my final product. I will post some quality pictures as soon as I have some taken for my portfolio. Now our class is moving on to dyeing silk and distressing fabrics. I'm glad I decided to take that class and I'm anticipating the classes I will be taking next semester.

I have been having day dreams of a possible road trip this summer. Nothing big and no where far. I just want to travel to Marfa, Texas. I've been to Marfa once before and I feel the need to see it again in all it's glory. I will need companions.
What I really want is to go on tour with a band. I want to be a merch girl or a personal assistant. I really want to travel and sleep in buses and go days without showering and find myself at a truck stop at 5 in the morning. Nothing would make me happier.

Dear Jason Castro,
Please take me on tour with you next summer. I want to spend all summer with your spirit.



P.S. Does anybody out there wanna road trip with me this Thanksgiving weekend to Tulsa, Oklahoma? We can visit the birthplace of Hanson and I heard about this little show on the 29th at the Fly Trap Music Hall. This guy named Jason Castro will be playing his first show there since American Idol. I really want to go. Early birthday/Christmas gifts anyone??

Once Upon A Blog...

I haven't updated this blog for a long time because of lack of inspiration.
I really have nothing to blog about but I felt I should update whoever reads this anyway. I get annoyed by old un-updated blogz.
College is hard. But also rewarding.
I have two classes and one on-campus job. It is a full schedule for me.

Last weekend was really fun. I went with my friend Andrew and my roommate Caroline to see CSS at Stubb's. It was a fun show. They opened up for Gnarls Barkley. We left before Gnarls Barkley went on and waited outside the venue to meet the members of CSS. Andrew and I ended up meeting Ana, Adriano, and Lovefoxxx. We spoke to Ana about how we wanted to see them perform the next day at ACL but we didn't have the money for tickets.
Ana then took our names and put us on the guest list!!! Then we asked Lovefoxxx about it and she said that they didn't have any friends in Austin and they would love for us to see them at ACL.



On Saturday Andrew and I headed over to Zilker Park to attend Austin City Limits. We checked the Guest List and we were for sure on it! Andrew and I were handed two free Saturday passes to ACL. We entered the festival right when CSS started performing. Andrew and I made our way toward the stage and got pretty close. Cansei de Ser Sexy put on a good show and Lovefoxxx said it was the biggest crowd they had ever played for in America. I was proud to be a part of it.
Then I saw MGMT perform. I've seen them before but it only made me excited to see them again. I thought their show was enjoyable considering I was stuck in a crowd of sweaty festival goers. When Ben and Andrew performed "Kids", Andrew Vanwyngarden held up a large red crystal and that he rubbed against the strings of a guitar. It was quite psychadelic.
After their performance Andrew (Zimmer) and I waited in line for the bathroom for an obscene amount of time. Then we checked out the merch and headed home.
I thought it was a pretty good weekend all in all.

I have way too many things to blog about right now and I just don't have the motivation to do it.
I am in a constant state of anticipation though. I'm learning so much about myself right now and it just feels right to be going to school half time. I don't think I could take it any other way. Next semester I will have to be full time though.

Till my next blog....whenever that will be.

Oh and p.s. This is Andrew.


He's a Style Troll.

And this picture blew my mind the other day.

I hope I get to see him in concert again this December. It would be an amazing birthday present.

Score One For the Sloths!

I'm back! I'm back! I'm baaaack!
At school. At home. At peace.
So much to process and not enough time to write it all down.
So I got my stuff squared away and I'm back at school.
Half time. Taking two classes and working an on-campus job at the costume shop.
I love all my friends and my family.
I have 3 lovely roommates who I'm ecstatic to be living with.
I have so much to blog about.
But I guess this one should be about school.
Okay well I'm in Austin and today was my first official day of classes.
I hung out with some friends today and got caught up.
I attended a meeting for Alpha Psi Omega, the theater fraternity I'm in.
This semester I am an officer for APO!!! I'm the Historian. Well one of the historians.
And this week is pledge week. Lots of fun and lots of stuff to do.
I had a great summer and met some great people.
One in particular goes by the name Jason Castro.
But I'll blog more on that later.
For now all you must know is that my life is great and I'm so grateful for all that I have.
Oh and giving up buying clothes and accessories is harder than I thought.

I'll keep shining dude.

Happy Ending

"That when everything starts breaking down/
You take the pieces off the ground/
And show this wicked town/
something beautiful and new"

God answered my prayers. I am on my way again. At one point I had thought all hope was lost but my friends and family brought my spirits up. I received a phone call this morning that made me cry hard tears of joy.
One way or another I'm headed home. Where I feel most at home.
I don't want to give it all away right now. I don't want to jinx it.

Even if they don't read this, I just want to say thank you to all of my friends who attended my sale on Wednesday. It meant so much to me. I understand that some of my friends couldn't make it. But to those of you who could but didn't want to, just know that you won't stop me from becoming who I am suppose to be.
I am an investment. I will be worth so much in the future. Start investing in me now people and your profits will be ten fold. I am not just talking money. Because time is money.
I have made investments in many young people who I think will become great leaders in there chosen field some day. I would like it if more people did the same for me.

I will have to make many many sacrifices for the year ahead. Unfortunately, that means I can't spend any more money on clothing and accessories. Even though I buy most of my things second hand, I would still have to stop spending on material things that do not better me. It's going to be hard. I have become a consumer and a shop-aholic at thrift stores. I guess I will just have to visit these places less frequently and get by with spending as little money as possible.
I like the challenge but I don't know if I can give some things up. I love live music. Maybe that can be my one luxury. I might have to limit the number of shows and concerts I attend though.

I know I'm going to do a lot more selling. I plan on selling the clothing I already have that is not being used and the clothing and accessories that I will be creating for this purpose. I am a born entrepreneur.

Ready or not, here I come.

Blog Till It Hurts

Gosh! Have you ever wanted to start a band?! Well I have. I do. Right at this moment. And I think it is because I feel as though I am not impacting enough people. When you are in a band you make an impact on people's lives. I think. Well my newest mini-obsession is the band M83. Well it is more of just one person but with a persona I guess and a backup band. I've thought about just doing solo music but I would feel so...alone. Most performers nowadays are solo and they just go by a name like a band would. Like PlayRadioPlay!...it's just Dan but when he tours he needs a drummer and a guitarist and others. But he can play all the instruments by himself. I don't know how to play an instrument. And I'm not even that good at singing. But what I lack in skill and talent I make up for in personality, poise, presence, and style. I think I look like the lead singer of a band. One time this guy in a store told me and my friend that we both looked like drummers :)
I guess. He was a model. What do they know?

The hardest part of starting a band though is finding a good band name. All the good ones are taken. I've googled and Myspace searched all the best ones I could come up with but it was in vain. All my best ideas were already thought.

Back to the band M83. I stumbled upon them by chance while flipping through TeenVogue. The cover to their album Saturdays=Youth just caught my eye.



Upon listening to a few of their songs I fell in love. M83 sounds like a cute French boy whispering a diary (or blog) entry into your ear and a fuzzy guitar vibrating in your other ear while you are watching the best 80's movie on television. There music video are really awesome and are perfect examples of the kind of short films I'd like to make.


I feel old. I should have started being awesome and creative earlier in life so that I could have been a child prodigy or wunderkind. I just thought I'd tell you that.

If I were you the questions I would ask me would be:
What type of music do you want to make?
My answer: Chiptune/Christian/Dance/Electronica/Praise&Worship
Who would be in your band?
My answer: My friends of course and also people from other bands who would do guest vocals on some tracks
What sets your "band" apart from all other bands?
My answer: I haven't found any Praise&Worship music to dance to yet....so my band would fill that gap by providing dance-able music for young Christians to enjoy.

Trash & Fashion

Some dreams come true while others miss the mark. I feel as if though I try my hardest but I am not trying hard enough. The Swap Meet that I hosted was not all that it could have been. This was mostly due to the fact that very few people showed up. It was still a lot of fun and lots of awesome things were swapped. Everyone who attended walked away happy with their new trades. I don't understand why it's so hard to do fun stuff in San Antonio. We just like to keep things lame I guess. It was like pulling teeth just to get people to attend. Maybe the whole idea was too new for everyone. Once everyone at the swap got the hang of things then it was quite fun and exciting. I even managed to make some money. But unfortunately I spent more than I made on buying food and drinks for people who didn't even show up like they said they would. Don't make promises that you cannot keep people.

After the swap meet was over The Franks and I made our way to South Alamo for First Friday. I was surprised by how many people were out and about enjoying the festivities. We bumped into several people we knew and found ourselves enjoying a live performance at Ruta Maya. I think this will be the new hip place to be in San Antonio. The only other cool place like it here is Mad Hatters.

Today I went with the Franks to the Omni Hotel to apply for a job at Urban Outfitters. They are opening one in San Antonio this Fall and I encouraged both of my friends to apply. I also filled out an application because they informed me that they are always hiring at the Austin location. My plans are to move to Austin one way or another this Fall so I really do hope that I get this job. I also hope that the Franks become gainfully employed at Urban as well.

I spent the whole weekend with my similarly named friends and experienced many happy moments. We went swimming, had a slumber party, stayed up late, talked a lot of crap about people, and looked at the new Fall fashion runways. It was very exciting and we had much to gab about as all three of us are aspiring fashion designers.

The Franks tolerate my love for Idol #4 and I was pleased when I saw a resemblance on the runways for this upcoming season.

Idols Jason and Syesha channel Gareth Pugh's A/W '08 looks!





We also chatted a lot about what we'd like to dress like for the Fall and Winter and our next event. It is going to be a secret one this time. Since no one understands the events that we try and put together...this next one will be just for us. Maybe you'll read about it in my next blog.
Every day I feel that I am one day closer to the person I am suppose to be. I'm excited to one day be that person.

Be There or Be Square

This is the culmination of a lot of bad planning.
It is going to be amazing so you better go to it.
Don't miss out like you did the last time.
Remember, we did win the Banned Video Contest!

With You In Your Dreams

I've been having some pretty lucid dreams lately. They are mostly about people and places I don't know. And my dreams start out pretty happy or good and end up really bad. One dream had Andrew of MGMT in it. He is quite easy to dream about. Now I can say, "He's so dreamy..." So is Jason Castro. I've had a few dreams about him.

This week has been mildly productive so far. I've purchased many things from Goodwill. Just today I went with Sarah to look for furniture and I found way too many good items to pass up. I think I will return some of the things that didn't fit me because I had no time to try them on it the store.
I went to Goodwill the day before with my brother to buy clothes for work. We both needed pants but he ended up just buying a shirt and I bought two black high-waisted pencil skirts, a little house on the prairie-esque skirt, and a pair of black pants for work. The pants are not very extraordinary but with a few tweaks I think I can make them a good piece to wear outside of work. That day I also purchased a sewing machine for an unbeatable price. I hope this sewing machine brings me lots of good luck.
On Saturday I shopped at Texas Thrift Store and found some really cool things there as well. I ended up buying neat fabric, a broken mini keyboard, leggings, a Doodle bear, a cardigan, and a top.
I plan to utilize all my purchases in one way or another. I am collecting fabric at the moment so that I have plenty to work with when I have my sewing machine up and running. And everything that doesn't fit me I plan to sell or swap.
At the end of this week I should be participating in a water balloon fight to celebrate our video contest win. And by that time we will have some definite details about the summer swap meet I am hosting. We don't have a location just yet but I'm hoping that all that is taken care of before August 1st. If all works out I think this will be the first of many successful swaps!

In case you are wondering what kinds of things I would make with all the fabric I am saving and my newly acquired sewing machine, it will be something like this:



I will use recycled bed sheets and second hand fabric to make skirts, tote bags, and maybe some short-alls and pinafore dresses.

If you are the praying type...please pray to God for me that I find the money to go back to school. If you are the giving type then please give me the money to go back to school this semester. It would mean everything to me. And you would not be disappointed. This is the year that I prove to everyone that I am worth it.

Me Ten Months

I received the Gibson Epiphone Electric Guitar in the mail today. I won it through the Banned Video Contest. It is black and autographed by the band Be Your Own Pet in silver sharpie.
Now I have an electric guitar and a keyboard. And I am in the process of turning the old Gameboy I bought on ebay into a music making device. It also came with an awesome carrying case. I will display pictures as soon as I take some quality ones. It's weird though, because as soon as I get my hands on things everyone else wants them. Someone at work offered to buy my new guitar from me today. If I told my brother I had it then he would request that I lend it to him so he could "jam" in his room. He also wants the cheap keyboard I stole from a gypsy. Then my friend asked if I would sell my keyboard to him. They all say it is because they want to start making music. Well so do I. That's why I got the things in the first place. I don't plan on parting with my instruments any time soon and I actually plan on acquiring a few amps and pedals and maybe even some circuit bent instruments.
It's strange how people feed off of you. They either want everything you have or they want to be the opposite of you.

I've been flipping through NYLON magazine lately. It is kind of like my Bible. But lately it is starting to bore me and I don't like that. I am becoming cooler than the publication that made me cool. I guess you grow out of things. I used to read ELLEgirl when I was in middle school. Then I graduated to Nylon. And when I was in elementary I read Teen Beat and Tiger Beat. Those kinds of magazines make you hate yourself I think. They hold no substance what so ever.
I hope to work for an awesome magazine one day. Maybe I'll just start my own.

I'm not sure what my style is at the moment. I don't have a label but I would like one. We spend most of our energy labeling each other. I like to know what category I fit into. The only way I can describe the way I dress is: little boy who wants to be a girl. I wear lots of over-sized t-shirts and Keds or boyish sneakers. I like my hair very short now with small bangs. I wish I could pull of the androgynous look but my body is too curvy and I'm not tall enough to be mistaken for a boy.
I used to want to dress like a post-apocalyptic raver but then I thought that would take to much explaining. So I changed it to Neon Native American. Mostly I would like to look un-American. I'm excited for my semester abroad in London. It is over a year from now but I am anxious to experience the street style first hand.

I am looking forward to buying a black leather biker jacket, moccasins, a fedora (and I hate the way I look in hats), a black pencil skirt, and one piece outfits (i.e. rompers, overalls, jumpers).

My style icons at the moment are Alice Glass, Lovefoxxx, Beth Ditto, Agyness, Enid Coleslaw, and Gameboy/Gamegirl.

I want to be fly like these cats (minus the booze).

Your Life in Blog Form

Guys the Oldest Blogger in the World died the other day. She was 108 and had been blogging for like a year. I don't know why but I feel as though I lost a peer. I have not read her blog but I plan to. I think I'm going to lose my job at Subway. They cut all my hours for this week and I will not work again until next weekend.
I have been inspired by the Castro Family among others to vlog. Another of my inspirations is Proctor Anderson. His blogs are definitely high quality. If I were not so asexual I would probably ask for his hand in marriage.
In my spare time I often dream of being famous. What would I do with my fame? I'd blog about it. Most likely I would put out a line of clothing or create a film. But you don't have to be famous to do those things. It is just more convenient if you are.
If you want to know what kind of clothing I would make then the answer is: Clothing that you can live in not just clothing you can wear. I don't want to make artsy clothes. I want to make clothes that make people happy and make them feel special. So I would make unique and one of a kind clothes.
If you want to know what kind of films I would make then the answer is: Films my friends and I would watch. And films my brother and I could bond over. My films would most likely not be critically acclaimed. They would just be really long music videos with an endless playlist and short random moments.
I have spoken before about making music. The kind of music I would make if I had the technology would be the kind I could put on a soundtrack. Or I just recently saw this title on Myspace: Songs To Put in Your Profile. Hah. very funny. I sang a song I wrote recently to my friend Frank and his response was, "Oh. I would put that song on my profile!"

So I went thrifting recently and I spent something like $13 on a cool 90's Disney bed sheet, an awesome maternity jumper, vintage keds, colorful swim trunks, and a khaki zebra wrap around skirt. The skirt and the shoes are for sale. Maybe the shorts are for sale too. The bed sheet is going to be harvested for fabric to make other things and the jumper is for me but I will pattern it and make duplicates.
I keep wanting to start selling on Etsy or on Ebay but I'm really lazy. Maybe this week will give me a chance to do those things and make some extra cash. I simply need to make a banner/logo for my store and then set things up.
Summer is fading so fast and I haven't even reached all my goals yet. I have been wasting too much of it by sleeping and looking at boring sites. But I do find entertaining things to do on the internet like listen in on live feeds of the Idols Live concert and sometimes very cool things happen on those feeds. Jason Castro gives us a shout out once in a while and sometimes his mom and little sister call in and talk to all the fans or they chat with us.
It's very weird to chat while watching a live feed. You type hello to whomever is broadcasting and then half a second later the person you see on your computer screen is saying hello right back to you. It's kind of exciting. I'm thinking of investing my money in a webcam to do my own show. But then I would be disappointed if it were not successful. This is another example of how fame comes in handy when you want things to go successfully.

You are as stylish as you want to be.

I Just Want To Be Your Everything

So the other day I got written up twice at Subway for bad customer service. Yeesh! If I get another complaint they are going to fire me. So I'm looking for a new job. Because it is too dang hard not to upset Subway customers. Working there is getting annoying anyway. Today during my shift I was contemplating quitting or going home early because I was sick. I really am though. My throat is still sore and my face is congested. It makes sleep very difficult. But what is more difficult is not being able to sing. I am just now beginning to realize how much I genuinely love to sing.
I don't mind looking for a new job as I currently have enough money to pay for the Idols Live ticket I want to purchase. Every day I read a new story on the DDB about someone's castro-encounter. And it just gets me even more excited to see him again. Every day I think about what I'm going to say to him or what I'm going to give him. I don't ever want the day to come though. Because then I'll know that it's over. I want to keep wanting him. I know I'll be sad the day after it happens because then I won't be thinking about what I'm going to say. I'll be thinking about what I said. And what he said.
He's pretty much all I'm living for right now. "Listen please, don't walk out the door. I'm on my knees, you're all I'm living for"("Save Me" by Hanson) Or at least all I'm living for on this earth. I don't care as much about any other band as I do about him. Every day I am amazed at how awesome he is. Just spend one afternoon with me and try not to get hooked on the JCas. It's almost impossible. I will make you love him.
In other news...Javi and I are starting a novela. Well not really. It's more like a digital short of sorts. Just another internet show on another youtube channel. Pretty run of the mill bored teenz stuff. But this show will be about how shallow Scene Kids are. But it's not going to be only about us talking crap. It'll be more satire.
And we have the food fight party coming up. And then the Summer Swap Meet. And then Idols Live. And then school. Wow. Summer is going by so fast. "Everlasting summer you can see it fading faster...So you grab a hold of something that you think is gonna last you." Those are lyrics from the group song the Top 4 did on this season's AI. The song is "Reeling In the Years" by Steely Dan. I really liked that performance even though it was the night Jason was kicked off. He sang the best lines of the whole song.
"You've been telling me you're a genius since you were seventeen. All the years I've known you I still don't know what you mean."
And then he sang..."The week we spent in Hollywood is etched across my mind."
I love relating moments with song lyrics or movie quotes. It's just what I do.
So I am officially nocturnal now. I don't really wake up anymore until 3 p.m. and then I usually have work from 4 p.m. till close and then I stay up online until 5 a.m. when the sun comes up. And then I fall asleep as the world around me is waking up. Like an owl...but with less feathers. I'm pretty much part sloth-part owl.
Isaac Hanson has a new son named Everret. His first name is Clark like his dad but all the Hanson's go by their middle names. I wish that were true of my family but sadly I have no middle name.
I would name my son Etienne. I want to either marry a Hanson (not really possible unless I marry Mackenzie) or a Castro. Both families would be pretty tight to be a part of.

Today I got a swap package in the mail. It was from my Thrift Store T-shirt International Swap. The T-shirt came from the US though. It was an okay tee. I have yet to send my shirt out. I am waaaaay late on lots of swaps and other mail things. But fear not people. You will all get your mail one day.
Until I am stable enough to write another blog. Peace, Love, and Jason's Pantz!

owls sharing secrets...

Contestants

So you know that video I mentioned my friends and I were making for a contest? Well it won! You heard it right. We won the video contest for Be Your Own Pet's song "Black Hole". And now we are getting a signed guitar and shoes in the mail. And our video is the Official Black Hole video. How cool. It was all thanks to the lovely kids who helped me bring my vision to life. Thank you guys. And thank you byoP for letting me show you how much of a fan I am. What is next for my team? We will have a Food Fight Party to celebrate our succes! I haven't worked out all the details yet but it will happen before this month is over.
I have yet to update you with pics of my thrift purchases but I will do that as soon as I have time. I have been a bit busy with work lately and I currently have a sore throat. This success though has filled me with enough energy to create more adventures for the future.
I am in the process of purchasing the equipment to make chiptune music, a ticket to see Jason Castro on the Idols Live tour, and I have purchased many pieces of second hand fabric for future clothing projects.
I am also still in the process of planning and executing my summer party I plan to throw. I will be a swap meet with live performances and DJ sets. I'm excited...are you?

Random things I love:
Baby Names
(I want to know what you would name your baby.)
Unique Etsy Shops
Swedish Kids like the ones in the band Alphabeat


And I love you for reading my bloggy.
Send me links to good blogs you know about and I think I would like.
Oh I almost forgot! here is the video that won the contest!

Give me a 10 for The Kooks' Always Where I Need To Be

Give me a 10 for The Kooks' Always Where I Need To Be

Songs for Singers

I wrote some lyrics to what will become an amazing song soon. It is called "You're So Cute, If You Didn't Exist I'd Make You Up" or something like that. I got the idea after seeing a picture comment of this boy who inspired me to get started making music. I don't particularly like this kid but he did give me tips on free music making software so he's cool in my book.
The song is naturally about finding a cute boy on Myspace and then totally alienating him to the point where he blocks you from his profile. Ahh to be young and part of the Myspace generation.
Well I got paid for the first time today at Subway. A good 90% of that money will be going to St. Edward's University in Austin, Texas. But I am also saving some for investment in thrift shopping and reselling online.
I would like people to quote me as much as possible. It really helps me think about what I say twice. That and it puts a smile on my face like no other. Oh wait, there is one other thing that puts a smile on my face...



Fine Colombian boys with serene faces. This kid is way more adorable than you think. And yesterday he had a date with all of his fans through a vlog update. Too cute. Mean time I was singin' "wish for you on a falling star, wonderin' where you are. do i cross your mind in the warm sunshine? he's in the city of angels..." Haha! LFO still has it.
Well hopefully my friends and I can finish the video we're doing for "Black Hole" in the next two days because I don't have any other days off until next week. And it is hard to round up a bunch of teens even in the summer.

I am also currently looking for local Texas bands, performers, and DJs to play at the event I'm hosting along with Alamo Wasteland on the 1st of August. It's gonna be so awesome but I need everyone's help to make it all go well. Please send me a message if you know of any bands who want to play shows in the summer. And preferably bands that don't charge money. This is going to be a free event so I don't expect to make anything.

Second Hand Noise

I finally got a chance to thrift today. But only for a short amount of time and only at one shop. I bought three items from the Texas Thrift Store closest to where I live.
The first item is a vintage Polaroid Land camera that I'm hoping to God works. I haven't tested it though. If it doesn't work then it will be a prop for videos and such. It was $5.
The third item is a very nice purple v-neck tee that only cost 3 dollars. It looks as though it came from American Apparel but it's definitely not. I liked it because it was soft and reminded me of one that Jason wore. And I bought what looks like over 2 yards of cool blue, white, and green fabric with cheetahs or leopards all over it. The fabric was 2 dollars and I think it was a good buy because I will use it to create things to sell.
I was really there on a mission to find some cool kids play keyboards, possibly a synth, but mostly a Gameboy. I recently discovered that you can make music with a modified Gameboy and what is called an LSDJ cartridge. I'm not too sure how it all works but I think I am going to do more research on it and look in to purchasing or modifying an old school Gameboy in order to make experimental music with.
But for now I will continue to write little tunes on a notepad and possibly come up with beats on the cool keyboard I stole from a gypsy. I think I will start out with cover songs and then advance to songs I've written by myself or with friends. I would like to record a different song with each one of my friends and then make a digital album.
First I need to save up money to buy equipment like a microphone and a synthesizer. Well if anyone wants to help me make some experimental music to cure summer boredom you are more than welcome. Right now I'm just really excited about 8-bit music and I want to learn all about it and possibly make some of my own.

Here are today's finds:







I want to do a cover of LFO's "Girl On TV" but with words changed to "Boy On TV" ( a song about falling in love with Jason Castro). Yeah it sounds sick but I really like the song and I think it's funny to sing "At the risk of soundin' cheesy, I think I fell for the boy on TV." I hope Ingrid and I can do a cute acoustic cover of that one.